October 18, 2022 | Category: Resources
Dear survivor leader
This movement can be rough on us. Remember that managing other people’s perceptions of you is not your job. Change starts with each of us, and how we choose to engage with each other.
Good job, you fabulous changemaker!
People will often choose to be wrong about you. Sometimes you just need to let them.
We can respect someone’s work and still choose not to engage in collaborations where our values or collaborative styles are not aligned. People who are uncomfortable with setting or receiving boundaries may perceive (and misrepresent) your agency as an attack; this is not yours to manage.
Conflict can be either generative or unproductive. “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” is a good measure for how we talk to about other survivor leaders.
Feeling unpopular or like we aren’t in the “in crowd” can kick up our old traumas, isolation, and fears. Do you want to be popular, or do you want to be transform the world with your authentic, brilliant light?
As you start to be more well-known, read up on “parasocial relationships.” This can help you process public perceptions of you, and gut-check how you perceive others.
For many of us who developed people-pleasing tendencies, it can feel crushing to be the target of misrepresentations and vitriol. We owe it to our communities to check in with ourselves and take responsibility for our actual actions, but we are not responsible for the version of us that exists solely in other people’s minds.