So, you took the incredibly unscientific quiz and are here for your results? What does it mean? Honestly, the goal is to get you thinking through the issues discussed in the quiz. Self-reflection is a big part of effective leadership! So read through the section on your result. Heck, read through all the results! And if, after reflecting on your motivations and wellbeing plan you’re still excited to join, move on to Step 3: An Overview of the NSN’s Values.
Results (click to view): Obligation – Fame – Passion – Desire to Make Change – Community – Next Steps
A lot of survivor leaders start out their journeys by saying yes to speaking or consulting out of obligation. Others likely helped you, and it’s natural to want to give back. Some of us were invited to share our stories by organizations or people who have helped us — sometimes for fundraising, to share our stories at trainings or legislative events, or with media. We know that our words can be powerful, and we want to help, right?
Remember:
- Organizations who helped you were Doing Their Job. While some people who have privilege volunteer in this field, organizations are funded by the government or private donors to provide services and to do so with a high standard of compassion and excellence. You don’t owe them anything, technically. They’ve already been paid for what they did. So sit with the decision and really make it your own — do you really want to be doing this work? And what kind of work do you want to do?
- Even when you know you definitely want to be doing this work, obligation can lead us to take on work that we wouldn’t otherwise do, under conditions that are otherwise unsuitable, for lower pay than we’d do it otherwise. This is especially challenging for survivors who are people-pleasers or who have a strong fawn response. Even when you want to be doing this work, you deserve fair treatment. Learn when to say yes, when to negotiate, and when to walk away.
See: Our post on Fear of Saying No as a workplace trauma response.
For those of you who love being in the spotlight, you have the power to use your own story and name recognition to effect change and motivate people to act. WOW! And also, this motivation can come with some serious downsides. This doesn’t mean you can’t navigate them thoughtfully, though.
Remember:
- Other survivors, especially those who are newer to movement leadership, will look up to you. Be cautious and intentional about how you navigate power dynamics and consent. With great power comes great responsibility, and you will have a responsibility to be more thoughtful before speaking up, more patient before getting angry, and more aware that your words of praise as well as your words of criticism will have an amplified impact. For other survivors who are people-pleasers or who have a strong fawn response it may be hard for them to say no to you or tell you what they genuinely think. You might be used to thinking of the places in your life where you are marginalized, but in this sector “Survivor Influencers” have a lot of privilege. Use it wisely.
- Determine your values. If you’re just working to build your brand, you may lose sight of how your recommendations and work impact others. Whose stories do you not yet know about, and how can you learn them so you can bring diverse needs into your advocacy? Who can you bring to the table with you when you get invited? Who are you lifting up alongside you and how? Where are your blurred edges (as in, I’ll do this thing I don’t completely believe in under specific circumstances) and your hard boundaries (the things you will not be part of)?
See: our training on the Language of Power and Control in Abuse Dynamics (CW for references and descriptions of patterns of power/control abuse.)
You care about this work, AND IT SHOWS! You are in it to do good, to shake things up, and to help people. But sometimes the biggest fires burn out the fastest. How can you take care of yourself while caring so deeply?
Remember:
- You are not in this alone. You may sometimes feel like it, but there are so many other people fighting these same battles, doing this same work. Don’t become a martyr to the cause – you are no good to yourself or anyone else if you run yourself entirely into the ground. Tap into safer, intentional community, and trust that we are working towards the same goals.
- Have boundaries around what you can and cannot do when you are in crisis yourself. Healing is not linear. When we ourselves are cycling through a personal crisis we may be less likely to be able to give without expectation, respect other people’s needs, or notice our own dysregulation. It’s okay to tap out when we are overwhelmed, and it’s okay for other people to be disappointed when we can’t do what they want from us. Having limitations and recognizing our boundaries doesn’t make us bad people – it makes us healthy people.
See: Our training on professional boundaries
Massive cultural shifts, revolutions, freedom-fighters – we owe so much of what we have today to changemakers. You want power not just for yourself, but for what it can do for your community. You are thinking not just about next year, but about the next century, and what you are leaving behind for generations to come! The thing that makes you most powerful is having an imagination that is not limited by The Way We’ve Always Done Things. That can also be a source of great frustration.
Remember:
- Cultural and community change can be slow. Systems change is even slower, by a long shot. You may not be the one to accomplish the things you set out to work on – change often happens as a result of decades of organizing. Think of a line of people passing buckets of water down the line so that they can get the water to the house more consistently. You may not be the one who delivers the water to the house – carry it for your part, and then pass it on to the next person.
- There are many ways to effect change. Some changemakers are activists, some are community-builders, some are thought-leaders, and others work towards change through policy advocacy. We are all important parts of the Social Change Ecosystem Map. Stay connected to others to know what they’re seeing in their fields so you do not get so stuck in your own field that you are unable to think about creative, collaborative strategies.
When you make decisions, you naturally think about how it impacts your whole community. Maximum impact for the most people? That comes naturally for you! And also, a lot of the ways our movement work is funded contribute to competition rather than collectivism. How can you navigate community-based work in sustainable ways?
Remember:
- Not everyone values the wisdom of collective organizing, or even understands what it is. Think of ways you can actively resist the structures that put you in competition with others, and collaborate with others who are taking a similar approach. In Unapologetic: A Black, Queer, and Feminist Mandate for Radical Movements by Charlene Carruthers, we are challenged to consider: Who am I? Who are my people? If you’re a community-based organizer, other people who understand building collective power are your people. It’s okay to say no to collaborations that go against your principles.
- Honoring collective power and survivors’ voices doesn’t mean that every person’s perspectives about you or your work are accurate. When we value community so strongly, it can be easy to get swept up in worrying about people who don’t like you. When you hear criticisms, consider them carefully. Discuss them with someone who is able to hold you with compassion even while acknowledging your flaws. Process it with a therapist or trusted confidante. And then take accountability for what is yours, but leave the rest. You don’t have to catch every ball that others toss to you.
Next step: Values Overview
If you’ve reflected on your motivations and drive for this work and still feel confident taking the next steps with us, head on over for an overview of our values and what they mean in practice. (Link coming soon)